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Not A “Fun Fact”
I think he’s being sarcastic… “Here’s a fun fact: When you get older, your dick starts to get confused about when it’s done pissing, so like 2 times out of 10 your throw the old hog back in his hiding...
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Update From The Homefront
Well, we did not get arrested last night, and he was very sad about it. He actually apologized a couple of times today. Not for lack of trying though, because in all three of the bars we went to (that...
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It Suits You
I’m so clever. This site is ruining my life, PS… “It’s always funny to me when my co-workers say “Is that a new suit? I like it!” because they don’t realize that the only reason I have a new suit is...
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What To Do When You Piss The Bed With A Lady In It
Pretty self-explanatory… “Woke up in the middle of a sick dream about surfing last night to find myself in the Pissific Ocean, next to a SUPER chubby girl. If you’re not catching my GD drift, I pissed...
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Morning Meltdown
He’s mention this “invention” to me before, but not with such detail… “Woke up this morning with such a raging boner that it was literally IMPOSSIBLE for me to urinate the normal way. I spent a few...
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Let’s Go Crazy
Apparently anything goes today… “Guess what motherfucker? It’s a Leap Year day today! And you know what that means– anything goes!!!!!! You see, Leap Year days aren’t real days, so you can literally do...
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Knowing Yourself
is incredibly important… “There’s this blind spot in my mirrors– the front and the side wall– where when I’m peeing I can’t see myself. Nothing infuriates me more, because at this age, one of the...
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Knowing When
to say when. Isn’t that a saying? ” “If the Playoffs started today” is a stupid sports phrase meant to get fans of overachieving shitty teams like the Pirates excited in the middle of the season, but...
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“Tonight I Ate Some Mushrooms”
And what follows makes perfect sense… “Tonight I ate some mushrooms, watched the Presidential Debate and then went to a concert. What a night. Here are some things I realized: 1. One day I want to be...
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It’s Not Over
Until your old shitty body says it is. This makes me so sad about getting older: “Oh I’m sorry dick and bladder, I figured we were done peeing when you completely stopped peeing and let me zip up my...
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